Well, she didn't stay at the party. We were all sitting around the fire, when Damien started talking about her. And then Mandy joined in. They were ripping her to shreds. They used a nickname 'FB'(Fat B*tch). They have nicknames for a lot of people, so that noone will know who they are talking about. They were making fun of her lisp, her weight(which isn't even bad-- she's got a normal figure, but a large chest), and about how she liked Miles. Now Miles was right there, standing in front of everyone. I could see in his face that he wanted to stand up for her, but didn't want everyone thinking he liked her. He said something noncommital, and they turned on him. They told him that she liked him, but Amanda told him she didn't even like him, it was her goal to make out with him at the party. Then DJ said 'why she wants to make out with elephant I don't know'. Miles touched his ears and sounded kinda sad asking if it was about his ears. Then DJ started making racist comments about the prom king, and moved on to other people. I apologized to Miles about everything they said, and apologized for not standing up.
After everyone had gone to their tents and it was just Dj, Dylan and I he dropped the whole act, and was civil.
What should I have done? Help me be a better person. This situation is bound to come up really soon, so what do I say to stand up when it happens again?
I know it's a long question, but help me be a better person?
There are four different kinds of people. There are Leaders, Fixers, Contributors, and Abusers.
Abusers are the people like the ones you mentioned in your story (DJ, Mandy, Damien) who are essentially 'bullies'. They are rude, hurtful people who lash out at others who have done nothing to them for whatever reason, usually because they are insecure about themselves and their status in their social group.
Contributors are the people who join in with the Abuser -- imagine the Abuser starts making fun of the girl, talking about her lisp and weight; the Contributor is the person who laughs and/or agrees, maybe even throwing in a few comments of their own. They aren't as bad as the Abuser, and they justify their actions by saying, "Well I wasn't the one who said anything, I just thought it was funny."
A Fixer is what you were being at the party. The Fixer is the person who does damage control after everything has ended... the one who apologizes for the mistakes of others, who helps up the kid after the bully pushes them to the ground and walks away. They want to stand up for the ones being victimized, but they don't; they just wait until the situation passes and try to fix what has been done afterwards.
The Leader is the person we all WANT to be when we're put in a situation like that, but few people have the guts to actually be. In that situation, a Leader would've been the person who said, "That's not right, she's not fat/ugly/stupid and you know it" or "Why do you feel the need to make fun of someone who has done nothing to you?" They are the 'hero', the one who stands up to the Abuser.
If you think about it, you can label everyone you know as being one of these four groups of people. Being a Fixer isn't bad, but when you ask, "What should I have done?" you're really asking, "How do I become a Leader in situations like these?"
Sometimes being "that person" who stands up for others and is a Leader is hard and it takes a lot of guts, but it is the right thing to do. Next time you're in a situation like that and the Abusers are making fun of someone behind their back or even to their face, all it takes from you is one comment to change the entire situation -- by letting them know that you disapprove of their behavior, you've put yourself out there as being stronger than they are, being above their behavior, and they will react in one of two ways: they will admit that they are wrong and stop, or they will turn on you.
You put yourself at risk of them turning on you and saying, "Why do you care?" or starting to make fun of you. You have to be strong enough and ready to basically say, "I don't care what you say, what you're doing is wrong and I'm just telling you like it is."
Reply:Find some more courage in yourself! Stand up, for god's sake. If you don't, broken hearts will shatter even more before your eyes...Stand up, do something for your friends!
Reply:Try just saying this: "Intelligent people talk about ideas, mediocre people talk about events, dumb people talk about people." Let them know you came across this quote recently and ask your friends what they think about it.
Reply:Why do you hang around with people like that . They sound to me like they would break into the school computer if they could figure it out .,. Usually though someone like that Has No clue as to how to really get into trouble . If they ever figure out how to really get into trouble . Do you want to share that with them? If I was one of the people they were talking about at that age , I'm sorry to say I would have Cracked Him. But Back then That was more acceptable. I wouldnt Cower in the Corner though
Reply:I think the best thing you could do is tell your friends that it is mean and wrong to disrespect people behind their backs. Then if they refuse to stop, tell them you are leaving, and go find a better group of friends.
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